I remember sitting at home waiting for Sesame Street to come on a child, the moment I heard the theme song I would get up and sing along! I watched it with such excitement and was ready to “learn”. My favorite clip is from when Kermit did the African Alphabet…one word, AMAZING! I watched this show so much that I wanted to have a Big Bird themed bedroom, thankfully my mother wasn’t having it, but this show was a part of who I was.
Then one day I went to watch the show and the excitement was gone. It didn’t entertain me as much and the show seemed childish. The theme song became annoying and I couldn’t really get into watching it with my little sisters anymore, I outgrew Sesame Street. I don’t remember feeling sad or down about it, I just moved on to the next show…Wishbone. But why doesn’t this happen with other areas of life, primarily relationships?
It wasn’t until recently that I realized that I was still watching “Sesame Street” in relation to relationships. I was looking to be entertained when I needed to grow and change the channel (this will all make sense soon). As a child, certain things caught my attention and I would be entertained, but it didn’t necessarily mean I was growing. My relationships up until this point have been a source of entertainment, not a catalyst for growth. This is in no relation to the men I’ve dated, but rather how I chose to hold on to childlike expectations. Love me, want me, need me, and do it as often as I deem necessary was my attitude. It wasn’t about me loving someone with an unselfish heart, but me needing all the attention and affection that I felt I deserved.
One of the hardest things to do has been getting up and walking away from the idea of being entertained and needed and moving to the reality of being valued and wanted. When we feel like we need something there’s an obligation tied to it but when we want something there’s a natural desire to have it in our space. For many of my ex’s I know I was an obligation. If they didn’t call or text I was mad, if they had female friends I was a detective, and if they didn’t want me in their presence 24-7 I wasn’t desired…how tiring!! Now I understand the power of being wanted in the life of someone else, and it’s a beautiful thing. To be invited into the life of someone and have them value who and what you are (as you are) allows for two people to grow without the pressure of them having to commit to an end goal the moment they meet.