This morning I woke up and every problem I had was on my mind. I laid in bed thinking about these major issues and became frustrated. At 30 this isn’t where I’m supposed to be…life should be different. As the thoughts kept popping up I closed my eyes and tried to pray. I couldn’t even formulate words but I heard God ask me such a sincere question: “Why is it hard for you to trust Me?” It’s as if I had been waiting for this question as multiple answers started rolling off my lips.
Dear Future Husband,
I think I understand the delay in us becoming one. If I can’t fully trust God how can I trust you? If I’m not consistent with God how can I be consistent with you? See, I’ve always asked God for a man that’s a reflection of Him, but have never asked that He makes me the same. If I were to be honest I’ve wanted you to come so that I can be that better Christian. I wanted your influence to push me closer to the acts of a Christian when God is puller me closer so that I have the heart of a Christian.
I’m in an interesting place in life right now and I know that if you and I were one I would look for you to be my Savior…if I’m being honest, I’ve never felt more loved by God than I do now. To know that He is fighting for my heart and mind gives me such peace. As I deal with these frustrations and work on getting to know Him…please understand that my heart is in many pieces and I wanted you to come and love me back to wholeness…sorry for that pressure.
Lord, please help my unbelief.
It was all a dream