I’m learning that giving hints doesn’t always get me what I want. When it comes to me and being needy I very seldom ask for what I want…because being a black woman who wants affection and attention from the man she’s dating is a negative thing (insert serious eye roll), especially if he feels as though he’s done enough already.
Dear Future Husband,
I can be the most poised and proper woman in a room, but when certain music comes on I have to indulge. I’m a rapper when “I’m Going In” (Young Jezzy verse) comes on and a worship leader when “Here I am” (Marvin Sapp) plays.
I think this speaks to my entire personality! I will be the first to admit that I can be the neediest person at times. I’m big on quality time and there will be days where I simply want to be around you. I don’t know how to ask for this though. A human being saying they are “needy” is taken as something negative, when it’s just another characteristic that makes them unique. In all of my previous relationships I was criticized for my neediness with them not understanding one simple thing: A person becomes needy when they feel neglected. Consistency negates neediness, in my opinion.
Now on the flip side (the Jezzy part of me) there will be days where I want to just be alone. I will want to lay in bed watching Snapped and have some space to myself. But, you are more than welcome to be in this space…as long as I am free to be silent. I may engage in conversation every once in a while, but this space has been my place to recharge in my singleness. I’m not going to lie and say “I want you in this space too” but I can understand that you and I will have to learn how to have balance.
At the end of the day I can’t promise you that every time I’m feeling needy or want some me time it will be communicated in the right way…but as we grow together I pray that we will learn each other cues.
The needy one